Gratitude.

Gratitude. It’s the word that brings me to tears lately.  The words of the song are perfect with what my heart feels.

All my words fall short
I got nothing new
How could I express
All my gratitude?

I could sing these songs
As I often do
But every song must end
And You never do

So I throw up my hands
And praise You again and again
'Cause all that I have is a hallelujah
Hallelujah
And I know it's not much
But I've nothing else fit for a King
Except for a heart singing hallelujah
Hallelujah

I've got one response
I've got just one move
With my arm stretched wide
I will worship You

Y’all... I WISH I could adequately put into words how much this vacation was filled with Gratitude. I know I can’t but I’ll give it my very best effort here. 

In late 1997 God sent me to The United Methodist Church of the Palm Beaches in West Palm Beach, Florida to be their Youth Director. There I stayed until late 2006 and the relationships I (he) built in those short 9 years have been among the most important of my life.  During that time I had the incredible opportunity/honor to pour into the lives of students and adults and get to be a part of their faith story. As you can imagine, they equally poured into mine and became a part of MY faith story. 

Some times in our lives we begin to struggle with purpose. We get caught in the mundane of life and forget to see the wonder in everything. I’ve been in a funk lately with not feeling my purpose in action and not feeling like I had a place to fit in. Not able to feel at "home" anywhere.  Not like I did in Florida. God has been working to show me his goodness in ways I’m familiar with. This trip was absolutely the medicine that I needed. 

So many of my former youth came to catch up, get a hug, and even encourage me.  What I'd give to have had the time to sit down with each of them and hear more about how God is showing up in their life.  Before we prayed over our meal I asked the question I'm known for asking (Thanks for making sure I did that Debby O) "Where have you seen God today/lately?" It was so special to hear a snippet of where God is showing up in their lives.  

From the moment I set foot in the state of Florida my eyes started welling up with tears. The love the whole Taylor fam has been shown is overwhelming.  Whether it was giving us a place to call home for a few days, putting together a party, playing with my kids, planning our adventures to Disney, making Disney happen for us, being so excited to meet and be with my little family, watching them fall in love with my people and the place I love so much. There aren't words.

The verse that keeps going through my head is Luke 6:38 "Give and you will receive.  Your gift will return to you in full-- pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over and poured into your lap." I tell you it kept pouring and pouring into my lap... overflowing.. So many made time, made LONG drives, rearranged travel/work schedules, and gave beyond anything I could imagine.  You may think "oh, it wasn't that far to come" or "it was no big deal" or "we like having parties anyway" or "we were going to be in Colorado so you may as well use our home" but it was HUGE for us.  Huge for me b/c I needed to feel God's love wrap around me like that.  Huge for  my family b/c they got to see God's love come out of nowhere from people that were strangers to them and feel like family immediately.  The hugs I got felt like hugs from God himself and the magnitude of the love given to Team Taylor is not lost on us.  My heart is overflowing with love for all of you.  There are so many more I didn't get to see and hopefully NEXT time, I will.  

I love you all.  Thank you for everything.  Thank you for loving me like Jesus does.  Thank you for the love, words of encouragement and appreciation.  Thank you for helping me remember how to listen a little more closely to where God is leading.  And lets be honest, i'll forever hope He's leading me back to Florida ;-) 

It won't be a beautiful beach sunrise, or a trip to Disney but you're welcome in Texas any time.  Our sunsets do rival any sunset around.  Hopefully soon we will get together again!

In the mean time, I'll throw up my hands and worship a God that saw fit to weave all these lives together and fill my heart with such love and Gratitude.

All my love, 

Jenn

Healing

First of all, thank you for the prayers! We can definitely feel them. We had a restful night for the most part and busted outta the hospital early.

She doesn’t complain about pain much, mostly just says she’s scared. I underestimated how this would affect her. I had no idea what to expect for her. I expected pain but I expected we could control that. This is a little more difficult to know how to control. 

Her face is pretty swollen, mainly her upper lip. It’s expected to get worse before it gets better. Thankfully she has a pain pump going to her hip that will go home with us. We were able to get her to walk a bit this morning. We will just keep covering her with love and prayers and hopefully just keep right on heading in the right direction!

Thanks for all the love, support and prayers! It means a lot!

Xoxo

Jenn

“Operation Smile”

Today is the Big day for Olivia. This will be (hopefully) her last surgery for a while. The rest will likely happen in her teens.

In case you don’t know, children born with Cleft lip & palate have a gap (cleft) in their upper jaw. Once adult teeth 🦷 start making their way in it’s time to give them somewhere to go. Lips are typically fixed within the first weeks of life and palate closed shortly thereafter. In Olivia’s case, China doesn’t work on the same timetable. Olivia’s lip was repaired in China at age 1 and her palate after we brought her home at age 2. Now we are on schedule. Bone Grafting typically takes place around age 7. 

So here we are. Today the surgeon will take a piece of her hip and graft it into her upper jaw. He will also revise her lip to be a bit more symmetrical. Any further revision to her nose and lip will happen when her face stops growing in her teens. Our surgeon is the best, we met with several teams before we settled on him and he was clearly the best choice. For this surgery I’ve no idea what to expect after.  In cleft groups I’m a part of I’ve seen anything from horrible bruising and swelling to minimal swelling.  We shall see in a few hours, or days how it goes.  Surgery should last for about 3 hours. If you would pray with us for the best possible scenario and a successful graft.

She is nervous and handling it all in true Livvy fashion. She has a lot of questions and wants to know each step of the process. Thanks to Covid we both can’t be with her. I’ll be with her much of the day and Rob will give me a break at some point. She will likely stay the night but if she’s doing great he will let us go on to the hotel! 🤞🏻 She’s already scored some awesome prizes 😜  

They took her back about 8:15.  Should be around 3 hours before the dr finishes. Please pray with us for our precious girl. She was pretty sad went the took her back. 

Xoxo

Jenn

The Goodness of God

👂 The Goodness of God (click link)


To say God showed me some things during our most recent adventure would be an understatement. Thankfully Henry is doing GREAT.  The fluid around his heart is going down.  Our cardiologist in Lubbock is up to speed and seeing us every 4 weeks for now.  His scar looks amazing.  He still has some soreness where the bone is still healing but most of the day you wouldn't know it.  I'm so thankful to be on this side of the storm.

There are times in life that we go through dark places, through storms... times that we cannot comprehend why God would allow it.  The creator of Heaven and Earth CAN intervene.. but sometimes, lots of times, He doesn't.

One of my main fears in Henry's heart surgery was losing him.  I've had enough fellow adoptive friends that HAVE lost their precious kiddos that all I could think of was them during those weeks before we left.  If God didn't intervene for them, why would He intervene for me.  Songs and verses and encouraging words from friends helped usher me to the feet of God with that one worry.  Even if He didn't intervene, even if the worst happened, God was still God... and He still loved me fiercely. I just had to put my son and this situation in God's hands.

The BIGGEST lesson happened the day before and morning of Henry's open heart surgery.  I was sitting in the pre-op appointments, holding him down, consoling him, trying to convince him everything would be ok and that he needed to do each thing.  Inside i just wanted to say "never mind, lets GO!" I wanted to scoop him up and take him home and skip it all.  Every time a doctor or nurse would come in and go over all of the dangers and possibilities, my mind would go numb and all i could think was "God, I don't want to do this!"

 The morning of surgery as we sat with him waiting for him to be wheeled back for surgery God showed me, what I think, was a huge lesson.  We knew this had to be done.  It was for his own good.  It was so his heart would be stronger, so he could run and play without worry of heart failure.  He HAD to go through this so his life would be better down the road.  There were things the doctors would do during this hard part (shots, iv's, stitches, cutting, etc) that would make his life SO much better.  I feel like as i held Henry's hand in that moment God whispered.  "Jenn, this is exactly how I've felt every time you've had to go through something hard. When you struggled and hurt through 6 years of unsuccessful fertility treatments, the miscarriage, all of it... oh i wanted to scoop you up and say "never mind".. lets find another way... but i knew that hard part, would be what helped you get to the great part.  THIS part.  It broke my heart to watch you hurt.  It ripped my heart out for you to not be able to understand that you had to walk that path.  That me rescuing you from it, wouldn't have helped you. So i get it sweet child, I get it.  But trust that even though Henry wont understand the pain, it's how we get to the good stuff"  To be able to see God's perspective for that second really helped me let go and trust the doctors.  And though I haven't questioned that difficult path since the day I saw Emily's face in an email.  I understood so much more of how God must've felt during that time.  How he feels EVERY time we have to go through a difficult season.  It was a moment I wont ever forget.

For most of my faith journey, i've looked for God in every "little" thing.  When I worked as a Youth Director I always asked my youth "Where have you seen God lately?"  On mission trips and retreats it was a daily question.  It was something, after 9 years of youth ministry, and asking that question on a regular basis... that I was definitely in the habit of asking myself.  My post last month showed just
a few God winks that we experienced(the snow, the rainbows, etc).   From the first Tshirt purchased to the last meal delivered to our home, from prayers from family, from friends, and from complete strangers.  He has made it SO incredibly clear to us that He was/is with us, walking with us, holding our hands, holding us.  I've seen Him in EACH of you.  If you have read this blog and silently prayed.  Watched and hoped the best from a distance or texted me every day so that we knew you were thinking of us.  I've seen Him in you.

And that night.  That night we ended up in the ER when we were supposed to be getting ready to go to the airport.  I was so tired.  I was at the very end of my rope.  I was so worried.  The thought of finding a chair that made to a cot (i had to search for a solid day before we got one when were put in the regular cardiac unit after surgery), the though of rounding up enough linens to be warm in a freezing room, the thought of one more thing being difficult... brought me to tears.   But after 7.5 hours in the ER, they came and got us to take us to the floor.  I walked into a room that was warm.  Henry's bed was made, MY chair/cot bed was there and made with plenty of blankets, and as I laid down my head, looking out the window... It began to snow.

God loves us.  More than we will ever know.  That much is clear to me.  He is So Good. As long as I am able, I will sing of the Goodness of God.

Listen to The Goodness of God !

Thank you for joining us on this adventure... until the next one!

With Hope and a whole lot of Love,


Jenn

Home & HUGE thanks!

Two days we have been home. I can’t remember a time that I’ve been more happy to be home. We have spent our time resting, healing, and decompressing.

We had an absolutely beautiful sunrise 🌄 on the morning we left.

We were so glad to get out of there... for the second time. Having my family together again has been so wonderful. Henry is doing great. Like any time you have surgery you have good moments and bad. Traveling was rough on him. The Mickey Mouse mask lasted about 20 seconds and I tried and tried to keep it on. I used a gallon of hand sanitizer and spray to at least attempt to keep the germs away.

The reunion was great. The girls were scared to touch Henry and had lots and lots of questions. They smiled the biggest smiles I’ve seen in a long time. It sure felt good to hug and kiss my sweet girls!

We want to give our heart felt Thanks for all of the prayers, love and support. There wasn’t a minute during the last month that we didn’t feel loved. There wasn’t a minute that we didn’t feel covered in prayers. Thank you for that! Thank you for buying T-shirt’s, sending notes, gifts, asking about us, texting us, calling us, sending us messages on social media, for sending people we’ve never met that  live in Boston or work in the hospital to love and pray and care for us, for providing meals while we were gone for Rob and the girls and as I get my feet back under me, and thank you for cheering us on  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being Jesus to us. We are so touched and humbled by your love. 

Thank you! 

Emily’s class found a book called Henry’s Heart, they wrote Henry letters to encourage him before his big surgery!  

Emily was so excited to do this for Henry! 

The awesome ladies at Henry’s Daycare sent us this sweet message too. 

Those are just a couple examples but thank you thank you for taking the time! 

Henry is one amazing heart ❤️ warrior!  We are so proud and grateful that we get to be his family. Henry sure has a story to tell one day! 

Again, we are so grateful . Thank you for everything. 

We love you! 

Team Taylor 

Out!!

We had a great first day out of the hospital! We rested, relaxed, did laundry, and walked.

Henry is doing so great. He didn’t complain of pain much at all today. Rob left in the wee hours this morning and we went back to sleep and had a pretty good rest. I really enjoyed sleeping in a bed 🛌 after not for the last 5 days. We wandered downstairs and I drank coffee ☕️ and Henry played and had breakfast.

 I’m amazed as I meet people here in the house and hospital. I’ve met families from: Panama, Italy, China, Spain, Russia, Poland, UAE, India, Maryland, Texas, Tennessee, South Carolina and still counting. The lengths at which families go to provide their child with the best possible care is incredible. I told Rob, in my searches for our surgeon it never occurred to  me to look outside the USA for a doctor. This hospital is thought of as the best in the world (I would agree wholeheartedlyo). It’s fun to hear all the different languages and meet so many different people. These two maps show you where people who have stayed in this house alone have come from. Some

 of these families have come for a short visit. One mother and son from China in the house have been here 6 months and will have to be here at least another 6. I’m in total awe of her. Some are here on their first visit, others have been coming for years.

After I’d caught up on the laundry 🧺 we went for a walk. It was chilly but beautiful out. The fresh air and sunshine did wonders! One of the hospital therapy dogs came by the house for a visit and I think I enjoyed petting her more than the children. She was sweet and cuddly. Sure made me miss my pups!

We will have our first follow up on Thursday. Then I should know if we really have to wait until tuesday or if I can start looking for flights. We both miss home a whole lot!

Looking forward to another restful day tomorrow!

Again, thank you for your prayers, positive thoughts, messages and texts! Y’all are carrying us through!

With Love,
Jenn